Balanced journey

With my deep plunge into healing early traumas so I can be present for my kiddos, I have learned the importance of balance. That push to always be calm in an emotional storm, that desire to be free from self-judgement, or the goal of staying serene from moment to moment, is lovely but unrealistic. Finally I see that being human means allowing for the hills and valleys of emotions.

My intention as I began with peeling back the layers of anger and quick frustrations I felt at my daughter, at my anchor job, at myself, were to bring a sense of control and freedom from emotions driving me. I wanted to stop blasting my family with anger gremlins and stop swallowing anger at work. I could see this was hurting me. My stomach, digestion was a muck, I couldn’t seem to balance that out, and I was having frequent eczema flare ups and allergies. But what I have realized along the way is not that I should stop these emotions, but rather breathe deeply and see them. Once I identify my feelings, I now use them for action. With a deep breath, a moment to dial back and observe my body, I can see underneath the emotion and see why I am upset. I can finally harness the reason and then breath and calmly explain my motivation and reason for feeling angry.

This discovery has been huge but then there have been many set backs along the way. Where I have yelled at my kids and my spouse in anger…Or so I thought these were set backs. This is the hills and valleys of life.

The truth is that I am human. One of the most incredible things about being a human is the capacity to feel. Our emotional spectrum is infinite in every direction. It’s a privilege to be able to feel so much. While I was not ever taught to identify my emotions, I have finally learned to stop judging my emotions as good or bad but rather learned to take time each day to step back and allow them to move through my body by witnessing them. It’s ok for me to feel angry. I know it’s ok for me to feel jealous. It’s perfectly human to feel spiteful. It’s ok for me to feel like being lazy. But what’s even better is to be able to see these feelings and not ignore them. This way they no longer control me. Instead I am allowing myself to use the energy the emotion gives me to dance, sing and write or even just lay down and stretch. Sometimes I just want to sit and watch a funny movie. All of this is ok. It’s been ride. And that’s ok too. The key for me is to make time daily to observe my emotions and be ok with feeling.

So I see that the real challenge is being honest with myself and making time for me to see and acknowledge my emotions. No matter if I was taught these were ugly or bad feelings, I still need to make time to sit and see where I store them in my body. I see this now as my goal. I challenge you also to sit with your feelings daily. Watch them, name them, and ask why do I feel this way? Then see if you can feel where in your body you hold that emotional tension…usually it’s where you hurt or feel numb. So make time for you with yourself as a kind, loving observer everyday, and see what happens. The key starting is to breathe deeply and sit with yourself.💞 Make space for you to belong in your body. 🌈Many blessings.

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