The last few months of this pandemic world has created an opportunity for me to dig in an heal my old patterns. A few of my old fears rear their ugly head when stressful life situations come my way. I know myself thankfully after years of sitting with my emotions and making space to witness them, and so I could tell I was spinning out. Time to dig in and make space for healing.
My trigger is financial hardship and my response is to get angry. So there’s been a good bit of that around the house which is my clue to get some alone time outside.
While sitting in the yard doing breath work and imagining myself floating like the wind through the leaves on the trees I understood I was hurting myself by working too much. I had been focused on researching grants/ loans and department of labor rules. I had been pushing myself too much. Time for me to pause and let go of the illusion of control. It was time for me to float on the river and practice being a leaf on the water; the swell was here. There’s nothing I could do about it but simply be.
Unwinding that spring of fear around money is an ongoing process, but I have simply learned to pace myself and pause when I am starting to feel angry, annoyed, or frustrated. I am doing reiki and acupressure to rebalance the energy and unkink the blocks that come from stress and create anxiety. That allows me to get in touch with my physical body and reconnect my awareness allowing the flow to return and rebalance my emotions. Then I am able to feel that reconnection through my feet to the Earth. The emotions and stress now flow out into the Earth and she nourishes me in return. There’s literally nothing else to be done but go outside and chose to enjoy the beautiful life around me.
This is a process of forgetting and relearning every few weeks of this pandemic, but what a great time for me to push against the growth edge and learn a new lesson completely with lots of practice. Truly as long as I have the ability to feel amazement at our gorgeous world filled with life, I can feel we have enough.